Yes, yes, it's *insert depressing observation about the weather here* but let's be honest, you are secretly bubbling with excitement about Christmas and want to shout this fact in a Slade-like fashion at the top of your lungs.
From a selfish point of view I have decided to write about this delectable holiday because I am currently suffering from one of the symptoms of Precrimboitus, aka a cold. Devastating I know. I'm hoping to pull through any day now.
The sheer boredom of illness has brought me to consider plans of the day. Namely the obvious Turkey Dinner. This year the whole thing is resting on my ability to stuff, chop, roast, baste and reduce - providing I do not reduce in to a pile of melting panic as well.
Check out my checklist. Clip art is back with a bang.
When considering a list one must take in to consideration the presentation. A visual hint does wonders for the imagination. I have gone for the aspirational approach. I can only hope to look that ecstatic on the day and that comfortable in such a flamboyant hat.
Pretty much just to keep me amused on a daily basis I tend to trawl the internet for inspiring images and the like. I tend to just screen grab whatever I like the look of, forget about it, then come back to the most cluttered desktop imaginable which forces me to sort though. I found a theme with a few so thought I would load them up all together.
SO, we’re about 6 months in from graduation now and I don’t know about you but I am loving my work perks, stable contact and constant flow of cash.
I am, of course, only joking.
The only perks at I am currently receiving is the free water from the coffee machine, which incidentally tastes and smells like very weak yet very cold espresso. YUM. Oh, and lets not forget the distinct lack of sleep and illegal hours. No really, the perk of this is that…. Wait…. Almost had it…OK we’ll come back to that.
But seriously, Working nights and days mixed into to one hazy over-taxed blur does have its brilliant moments.
My night shift now is an almost comforting place where the people are great and the over-priced vending machine is always fully stocked. The night team find themselves slipping further and further into a sugar-filled bubble where cackling with laughter and listening to Leona Lewis obnoxiously loud suddenly seems the norm.This form of hysteria is starting to set in earlier and earlier, depending on how well the system is working.
One example, I had switched computers four times and none of the articles I needed had appeared at all. Hysteria crept in at 9 o’clock. All thanks to the discovery of the Google 'keyword' tool. Yes, you guessed it, we were crying with laughter at the word bum. Along with Google’s suggestions and how many people had searched for those. Some had included, bum fight, winky bum, bum gallery, bum race, bum arcades and who could forget, bum bum bum bum bum. And that was just for Britain.
Now, let me take a moment briefly to explain what this job actually involves (without falling into a geek-filled black hole).
We upload the paper the night before so all its glorious content is there on the website for the glorious public to see and then complain about. We have to change headlines to make them Internet friendly and find and crop pictures that will not make us liable for some sort of court case. At midnight, all our hard work goes live for everyone to see. It’s a proud moment, like giving birth to a giant 2-D, box-shaped baby tattooed with pictures of Nick Griffin and Gordon Brown.
Tune in for more installations, including the Great Tea Fight and The Wonderland of Taxi Drivers.
Yeah, you pretty much guessed it, we are all in for an eighties flashback treat. Well, near enough. A Saved by the bell reunion was on the cards, until Tiffany Thiessen, AKA school sweetheart Kelly Kapowski. AAKA, the girl with the kick ass Something About Mary esque fringe.
As much as we laugh and joke about it now, Saved by the Bell was golden TV. Epic American high school trash, next to Sweet Valley High, of course! I don't know about you but, after Fresh Prince, Saved by the bell was the theme tune that you would twitch your feet to and sing all the words as soon as it came on. Then immediately feel really chuffed with yourself for remembering the oh so tricky and witty lyrics. For those that are not so familar, have a look. For those of you that remember it fondly, test yourself.
Here are those magical words that spelled out the next fun-filled 25 minutes of the time:
When I wake up in the morning And the alarm gives out a warning And I don't think I ever make it on time By the time I grab my books And I give myself a look I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell
If the teacher pops a test I know I'm in a mess And my dog ate all my homework last night Right alone in my chair She won't know that I'm there If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be alright It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell
It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the
It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell
Why was Saved by the bell so memorable? Can u actually remember any storylines other than Zack and Kelly, will they, wont they? Ok, so Zack used to sell stuff in school and get in to trouble. Screech would, well, yeah. Lisa would wear cool clothes and act posh. Jessie would go on about sexism and how men treat woman like objects.... and then went on to act in Showgirls... Everyone fancied Kelly and Slater was just plain buff. Remember this eye candy?
Good old Zack and Slater. Still keeping their modesty with shirts on shoulders and trousers up to their eye balls. FIT...
We’re talking, leather, studs, spikes and sharp, cool metallic. Oh yeah, and chuck in some mannish tailoring and frankly your all set for Autumn/Winter 09. The balance must be made, however, to ensure the look of fetish stays at a distance. As we can see here, Beyonce loves a bit of leather. Ahem.
But seriously, a good leather jacket is an investment. They always look chic. They can tone down a far too girly outfit. They give you confidence. The list is endless to what £150 quid can do for you!
My fave of the bunch is so clearly this religion one. Mainly because I have a thing about gold and have not seen many without spangly silver studs and other detail. We will just casually stroll over the fact that it is £250. Cough. Cough. Naturally, some celeb nabbed it first, and it would be Pixie Geldof wouldn't it. Tut.
I think me and Religion have a fringe connection.
Moving on.
Lets look at some pretty leather jackets. YUM.
Miss Selfridge
Doma, available at net-a-porter.com Miu Miu
Back when I bought the love of life. Happy times.
Also goes to show that leather does not always have to be classic black.
The Love of my life. duh!
Nor does it have to clad your back. Mix it up with dresses and trousers (if you're brave). Topshop have a pretty sweet dress on the go. Rule number one, keep the rest of the outfit/hair simple with this bad boy. It's easy to see why.
Just to give you some inspiration. Daft Punk. Naturally.
Awards shows are always fair game when it comes to fussing over the frocks and then ridiculing accordingly. But there is one particular awards show that is better than the rest, for this purpose alone. Of course I am talking about The British Soap Awards. The very nature of soap screams tack, cheese and more cheese. It also seems that every year, more often than not, the characters wardrobes are creeping on the backs of the real life actresses. I’m talking about the Kat Slater and Mercedes McQueen’s of the world. Yes, there will be fake hair and yes, there will be fake tan and tits. But, blah, we all know that. Its about what comes with it, what clashing, eye-gauging, satin engulfed, static-shock inducing mess will the wonderful Hollyoaks hotties be adorning on the beloved red carpet? This year, naturally, the soap stars did not disappoint. I’m not sure whether it is the credit crunch reaching new heights (or lows?) but poor forlorn Louie Batley could only afford a bin bag. But don’t worry; it looks like the good kind. With drawstrings.
The sheen, the gathering , the draping, oh my ! I swear I can almost see an empty crisp packet peeping out of one of the layers. Or maybe last nights dinner? Dog's dinner more like.
Hollie-Jay Bowes probably gets the runner up prize for successfully clashing the look of a My Chemical Romance fan with someone that saw a corset (it makes me look slim) and netting (I will feel like a princess/rock star/emo ballet dancer) and just ran with the idea... all the way to a western saloon bar and back.
I'm pretty sure Avril Lavigne wore this to her prom. End of.
