Sunday, 13 December 2009

The wonders of work, post graduation...

SO, we’re about 6 months in from graduation now and I don’t know about you but I am loving my work perks, stable contact and constant flow of cash.

I am, of course, only joking.

The only perks at I am currently receiving is the free water from the coffee machine, which incidentally tastes and smells like very weak yet very cold espresso. YUM. Oh, and lets not forget the distinct lack of sleep and illegal hours. No really, the perk of this is that…. Wait…. Almost had it…OK we’ll come back to that.

But seriously, Working nights and days mixed into to one hazy over-taxed blur does have its brilliant moments.

My night shift now is an almost comforting place where the people are great and the over-priced vending machine is always fully stocked. The night team find themselves slipping further and further into a sugar-filled bubble where cackling with laughter and listening to Leona Lewis obnoxiously loud suddenly seems the norm. This form of hysteria is starting to set in earlier and earlier, depending on how well the system is working.

One example, I had switched computers four times and none of the articles I needed had appeared at all. Hysteria crept in at 9 o’clock. All thanks to the discovery of the Google 'keyword' tool. Yes, you guessed it, we were crying with laughter at the word bum. Along with Google’s suggestions and how many people had searched for those. Some had included, bum fight, winky bum, bum gallery, bum race, bum arcades and who could forget, bum bum bum bum bum. And that was just for Britain.

Now, let me take a moment briefly to explain what this job actually involves (without falling into a geek-filled black hole).

We upload the paper the night before so all its glorious content is there on the website for the glorious public to see and then complain about. We have to change headlines to make them Internet friendly and find and crop pictures that will not make us liable for some sort of court case. At midnight, all our hard work goes live for everyone to see. It’s a proud moment, like giving birth to a giant 2-D, box-shaped baby tattooed with pictures of Nick Griffin and Gordon Brown.

Tune in for more installations, including the Great Tea Fight and The Wonderland of Taxi Drivers.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Saved by the.... eighties high school cliche

Yeah, you pretty much guessed it, we are all in for an eighties flashback treat. Well, near enough. A Saved by the bell reunion was on the cards, until Tiffany Thiessen, AKA school sweetheart Kelly Kapowski. AAKA, the girl with the kick ass Something About Mary esque fringe.

As much as we laugh and joke about it now, Saved by the Bell was golden TV. Epic American high school trash, next to Sweet Valley High, of course! I don't know about you but, after Fresh Prince, Saved by the bell was the theme tune that you would twitch your feet to and sing all the words as soon as it came on. Then immediately feel really chuffed with yourself for remembering the oh so tricky and witty lyrics. For those that are not so familar, have a look. For those of you that remember it fondly, test yourself.


Here are those magical words that spelled out the next fun-filled 25 minutes of the time:

When I wake up in the morning
And the alarm gives out a warning
And I don't think I ever make it on time
By the time I grab my books
And I give myself a look
I'm at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by

It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell

If the teacher pops a test
I know I'm in a mess
And my dog ate all my homework last night
Right alone in my chair

She won't know that I'm there
If I can hand it in tomorrow it will be alright
It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell

It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the
It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the

It's alright 'coz I'm saved by the bell

Why was Saved by the bell so memorable? Can u actually remember any storylines other than Zack and Kelly, will they, wont they? Ok, so Zack used to sell stuff in school and get in to trouble. Screech would, well, yeah. Lisa would wear cool clothes and act posh. Jessie would go on about sexism and how men treat woman like objects.... and then went on to act in Showgirls...
Everyone fancied Kelly and Slater was just plain buff. Remember this eye candy?

Good old Zack and Slater. Still keeping their modesty with shirts on shoulders and trousers up to their eye balls. FIT...


Gone are the days of romantic flirty skirts and delicate appliqué flowery forget-me-not type tops. Embrace the fierce fashion with both hands on the leather clad bull- horns. Biker bitch trend has reached a new level.

We’re talking, leather, studs, spikes and sharp, cool metallic. Oh yeah, and chuck in some mannish tailoring and frankly your all set for Autumn/Winter 09. The balance must be made, however, to ensure the look of fetish stays at a distance. As we can see here, Beyonce loves a bit of leather. Ahem.

But seriously, a good leather jacket is an investment. They always look chic. They can tone down a far too girly outfit. They give you confidence. The list is endless to what £150 quid can do for you!

My fave of the bunch is so clearly this religion one. Mainly because I have a thing about gold and have not seen many without spangly silver studs and other detail. We will just casually stroll over the fact that it is £250. Cough. Cough. Naturally, some celeb nabbed it first, and it would be Pixie Geldof wouldn't it. Tut.

I think me and Religion have a fringe connection.

Moving on.

Lets look at some pretty leather jackets. YUM.
Miss Selfridge

Doma, available at
Miu Miu

Back when I bought the love of life. Happy times.

Also goes to show that leather does not always have to be classic black.

The Love of my life. duh!

Nor does it have to clad your back. Mix it up with dresses and trousers (if you're brave).
Topshop have a pretty sweet dress on the go. Rule number one, keep the rest of the outfit/hair simple with this bad boy. It's easy to see why.

Just to give you some inspiration.

Daft Punk. Naturally.

Saturday, 9 May 2009

.....and the Worst Dressed Award goes to....

Awards shows are always fair game when it comes to fussing over the frocks and then ridiculing accordingly. But there is one particular awards show that is better than the rest, for this purpose alone. Of course I am talking about The British Soap Awards. The very nature of soap screams tack, cheese and more cheese. It also seems that every year, more often than not, the characters wardrobes are creeping on the backs of the real life actresses. I’m talking about the Kat Slater and Mercedes McQueen’s of the world. Yes, there will be fake hair and yes, there will be fake tan and tits. But, blah, we all know that. Its about what comes with it, what clashing, eye-gauging, satin engulfed, static-shock inducing mess will the wonderful Hollyoaks hotties be adorning on the beloved red carpet? This year, naturally, the soap stars did not disappoint. I’m not sure whether it is the credit crunch reaching new heights (or lows?) but poor forlorn Louie Batley could only afford a bin bag. But don’t worry; it looks like the good kind. With drawstrings.

The sheen, the gathering , the draping, oh my ! I swear I can almost see an empty crisp packet peeping out of one of the layers. Or maybe last nights dinner? Dog's dinner more like.

Hollie-Jay Bowes probably gets the runner up prize for successfully clashing the look of a My Chemical Romance fan with someone that saw a corset (it makes me look slim) and netting (I will feel like a princess/rock star/emo ballet dancer) and just ran with the idea... all the way to a western saloon bar and back.

I'm pretty sure Avril Lavigne wore this to her prom. End of.

Saturday, 25 April 2009

Geek chic?

There has been a recent debate within my group of girlfriends about THOSE glasses. I’m talking about the eyewear that those overly trendy people wear who are neither short nor long-sighted and are basically in no way visually impaired. They usually have a thick rim, either black or tortoise shell but have a style about them that just screams eighties nerd, OR Deidre Barlow.

My original irritation and wrath towards all that wore them came from the fact I actually need glasses and never considered them a fashion item. It wasn’t cool at school when I wore mine!

But, we are now looking at this from a trend perspective. I didn’t even warm to the idea when fashion guru Chloe Sevigny wore a pair.

The debate all started when our eccentric friend Ailsa was adamant she had to have a pair (we had a similar debate when Holly wanted to buy leather leggings). So loan day came round and naturally she did what we all told her not to. Hardly surprising. What is more surprising is that they looked quite nice on everyone! I still think there are some shockers out there but Ailsa picked up a good pair. They are from Topman as well!

I’m not saying I would walk around wearing a pair, but at the same time, if I now see someone wearing a pair I don’t immediately think, ‘OOoo musn’t miss the Corrie omnibus.’ Either that, or, 'try-hard'.

Here is a selection of geek chic pics. (basically us trying to look cool in said eyewear)

Steph adds a farmer hat to give the look more dimension

As well as a drunken smirk

Holly is clearly thinking hard about her homework (what a geek, yeah?)

Me, going for the serious look...

Liz rocking out the thoughtful pose

Just be careful how you wear them or you could end up looking like THIS:

Graduate in Fashion

With graduation looming, dissertation in the midst of being bound, what is a girl to think about next? What do i do now? How will I get a job? How will I pay for my next Topshop fix now that my loan has run out? (Actual shock, actual horror) But as these conversations come to a close, the next one is, what on earth am I meant to wear under THAT monstrosity?

(I totally picked this pic for comedy value)

Lets be honest, the graduation gown is less glamour, more polyester blend, budget superhero get up. The cap is so-so. Yes we might get hat-hair to a certain extent but they create the look and have a certain charm about them. What doesn’t have charm is a static shock inducing sack.

So, to the outfit. I’m thinking definitely a dress, just because it creates that sense of occasion. But how far along the smartometer does a fashionista go? Perhaps not too far that all feeling of trend goes out the window and we are left with a straight laced look. Sadly my gown will have bright pink and purple in stripes down the side. Talk about feeling sorry for the boys. Bless them. But should you bother attempting to match your dress to these colours or do the sensible thing and imagine it’s not even there? I vote the latter. These issues aside; some possibilities:

BTW, I'm a teeny bit obsessed with

Just INCASE you didn't notice..

It's always going to be hard to get the balance right. You need a dress you can wear with some heels (sturdy ones at that, no one wants to fall over on stage!) which then means it can't be too short otherwise anyone would thing you're off down town to find some hotties (well, maybe later!) Confidence and comfort is key. Now i really think about it, this is going to be a full on mission. Several shopping trips are needed. OK, but only if we HAVE to.......

Now, if only we could wear a waist belt around the gown to sort out the unsightly shapelessness.........hmmmm

Saturday, 14 March 2009

GaGa makes playful fashion statement...

I couldn't help but notice distinct similarities between Lady GaGa's latest fashion forward ensemble and that of a squidgy mesh ball !! The random toy is a spitting image of the odd choice of outfit, producing bubbly nodules all over the place.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Chanel Inspiration...?

I don't know about you, but as I was flicking through the looks from Chanel's Paris show and the head wear made me reminisce about a well known screen star. I had no idea that Karl was taking notes from Disney Films now. What has the world come to? Don't worry, I'm not talking about Lady and The Tramp. I'm talking about Mary Poppins!

There is just a hint of the magical can-do nanny in these hats. See what I mean? (Perhaps minus the odd plastic daisy and soot smudged cheek)

What a difference a few inches can make...

Katie Holmes couldn't look any better, seen here at the Japanese premiere of Valkyrie. These flowing extensions have done magcial wonders for her face. The crop made her look drab and lifeless, putting far too much focus on her angular jaw. She's now fake but fabulous. Run to your local hair provider now, and glue, weave and clip as fast as the strands will let you..... bobs are out babes.

The Spooky and Kooky McQueen Paris Show

For some unknown reason, as i gazed in awe at these freaky ensembles, the Addams Family theme tune just popped in to my head. Do you see where I'm coming from?

Now , sing it with me...

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
The McQueen Family.

Their house is a museum
Where people come to see 'em
They really are a scream
The McQueen Family.

So get a witches shawl on
A broomstick you can crawl on
We're gonna pay a call on
The McQueen Family.

The designs will no doubt cause a stir but for all the right reasons. It's decadence and fantasy, meets futuristic ghouls. The sculptured quality of the pieces will inevitable filter down to the high street, as will a new love for dog tooth patterns. Not sure about the over sized lips.....maybe Pete Burns was guest make-up artist that day ?

Tuesday, 3 March 2009


Whips and corsets and fishnets, OH MY!!

Take a look at Brit's latest costume designs for her sell out tour. The outfits, designed by Canadian brothers Dean and Dan Caten of Dsquared, are set to sizzle and dazzle Brit's bod to its best ability. It just screams Cher circa '88. We're talking over sized headdresses and sequins, sequins, sequins. LOVE IT.

Did not see this coming....

'Apparently, there is more to life than celebrities'. You wouldn't think this is an odd sentence except it's come straight out of the gossiping horse's mouth. The one, the only, the God of celebrity itself, Heat Magazine.

Now don't worry, Heat haven't gone all moral and gaga on us. They've merely mutated their innovative humour and knack for crap in to an all singing, all dancing, mini Heat love child. The best part, celebrities don't rule the roost. The mag is said to contain random bits of hilarious fandangle. Don't get it? Nah, I'm not sure either. But I'm definitely intrigued.

Julian Linley, Editor of Heat explains,

“heatworld magazine will be unlike anything else on UK newsstands. The idea came from us realising that the daft and the downright hilarious stuff we find ourselves obsessing about in the office aren't ALWAYS to do with celebrities. Who knew? There's nothing more valuable to our audience than laughing out loud."

Go grab the mag and check it our for yourself, it's already attached to your beloved heat anyways. All over the country I can hear Celebs crying in to their satin pillows and monogrammed towels. It seems they are no longer wanted anymore.

Lets hope this sends them in to a frenzy of publicity stunts. Can't. Wait.

Monday, 2 March 2009

Jen at Marley & Me London Premiere

Jen braves the London weather in a floaty frock for her latest appearance on the red carpet. It's so refreshing to see her in something that isn't a LBD or a pant suit. I don't doubt that many will look at this dress, give out a big sigh and mildy grumble 'booorrriiing' under their breath but the silhouette is classic and hugs her figure ferociously.
Some may call this gown dull but the midnight grey is right on the money, with blue and gray tones making a fierce appearance at this years Oscars.

Gorgeous gown aside, there is just something about THAT hair. I'm just begging to see her in an up do, even a bit of a wave? Anything will help that sad limp barnet. I send out an emergency alert to GHD. Hunt down Jen and bombard her with products. It is your duty.